Bigfoot: No LeRoy
A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM BIGFOOT
Lately me read article by smarty-pants reporters who use Bigfoot name in same breath as JT LeRoy. This no acceptable. It part of Bigfoot creed not run into spotlight, but me no can stand for this. LeRoy no Bigfoot. Here why.
For many century me "people", the Sasquatch, try live own life of peace in boonies. Every now and then must venture out so get spotted by hunter or hiker or Humbolt county pot farmer. We no want hurt, just part our tradition to keep human on toes. There big debate on "do Bigfoot live?" and lot of nutty people make website full of "cryptozoology" with claim facts on me life. True is, me do live. But most people who think they know all Bigfoot don't know dick.
It not walk in park be Bigfoot. Have to live isolation in woods where cold and no very good place to get magazine or latte. Sometime me want make friend and just gossip about Brad and Angelina or talk about Alito confirmation hearings for Supreme Court. See, me try stay up on current event. I naturally curious. But it me duty no reveal self fully to human. Must be mystery.
But me no hoax. Me never try pull wool over eyes of believers or make lies for money--and let me tell, be Sasquatch no pay much, either. Bigfoot could use the money. But me honest and no prey on trusting public.
See, me no happy now because thing happen with little sissy-boy writer who hip kid buy book of and snobby critic say "oh he write so bracing and with so raw honesty about life on street and abuse." Gimme break. This pencilneck name JT LeRoy. Me read he book "Sarah" and almost stop read, because no make sense half time and me prefer book with strong character development and good narrative flow. This book not have that. Mostly dark, impressionistic crap about little boy who dress up like girl to make money from horny fat truckers. But me finish story because bio say JT LeRoy live life like that he-self in West Virginia. Me sometimes go vaction in West Virginia when me sick of Pacific Northeast. JT LeRoy book West Virginia no like what Bigfoot see in real state, but whatever.
Rumor say JT LeRoy shy and no read he own work in public. He too in band but no sing or be on stage, only write word. Me think if you no sing and you no play, then you no in band. But he too afraid be in front people because he skin full of zits--he young still, and no very tall. So no see LeRoy ever. But then he books start pick up fans and then LeRoy he at party with Madonna. Oh, so he no too shy meet one most famous women in world but cannot go to book signing of own book? Me say bullshit.
Picture of LeRoy start pop up. He wear wig and sunglasses and look like girl. Then he say he want be or think he is girl. Bigfoot open-minded and okay with transexuals and transgendered population, but me smell fish when LeRoy say he have the trans.
Now turn out LeRoy no write own book. LeRoy in wig at parties no LeRoy either. Stupid people in he "band" with make up LeRoy so they make money and play with fan feelings. Take advantage of goodwill and swindle celebrities. This Bigfoot never do. Me heart full of love and want all creatures of Earth to live healthy lives in harmony. Me no have material want, but maybe those reporter who say LeRoy like Bigfoot might take two seconds consider how this "LeRoy" character greedy and liar. Sure, me dream how it nice if perfumier create exclusive fragrance just for Bigfoot and Bigfoot no have to pay--but me no ask for it just to abuse me fame!
JT LeRoy, it good thing you no real person, because if me see you I bite your head off and stick it up you ass.
Lately me read article by smarty-pants reporters who use Bigfoot name in same breath as JT LeRoy. This no acceptable. It part of Bigfoot creed not run into spotlight, but me no can stand for this. LeRoy no Bigfoot. Here why.
For many century me "people", the Sasquatch, try live own life of peace in boonies. Every now and then must venture out so get spotted by hunter or hiker or Humbolt county pot farmer. We no want hurt, just part our tradition to keep human on toes. There big debate on "do Bigfoot live?" and lot of nutty people make website full of "cryptozoology" with claim facts on me life. True is, me do live. But most people who think they know all Bigfoot don't know dick.
It not walk in park be Bigfoot. Have to live isolation in woods where cold and no very good place to get magazine or latte. Sometime me want make friend and just gossip about Brad and Angelina or talk about Alito confirmation hearings for Supreme Court. See, me try stay up on current event. I naturally curious. But it me duty no reveal self fully to human. Must be mystery.
But me no hoax. Me never try pull wool over eyes of believers or make lies for money--and let me tell, be Sasquatch no pay much, either. Bigfoot could use the money. But me honest and no prey on trusting public.
See, me no happy now because thing happen with little sissy-boy writer who hip kid buy book of and snobby critic say "oh he write so bracing and with so raw honesty about life on street and abuse." Gimme break. This pencilneck name JT LeRoy. Me read he book "Sarah" and almost stop read, because no make sense half time and me prefer book with strong character development and good narrative flow. This book not have that. Mostly dark, impressionistic crap about little boy who dress up like girl to make money from horny fat truckers. But me finish story because bio say JT LeRoy live life like that he-self in West Virginia. Me sometimes go vaction in West Virginia when me sick of Pacific Northeast. JT LeRoy book West Virginia no like what Bigfoot see in real state, but whatever.
Rumor say JT LeRoy shy and no read he own work in public. He too in band but no sing or be on stage, only write word. Me think if you no sing and you no play, then you no in band. But he too afraid be in front people because he skin full of zits--he young still, and no very tall. So no see LeRoy ever. But then he books start pick up fans and then LeRoy he at party with Madonna. Oh, so he no too shy meet one most famous women in world but cannot go to book signing of own book? Me say bullshit.
Picture of LeRoy start pop up. He wear wig and sunglasses and look like girl. Then he say he want be or think he is girl. Bigfoot open-minded and okay with transexuals and transgendered population, but me smell fish when LeRoy say he have the trans.
Now turn out LeRoy no write own book. LeRoy in wig at parties no LeRoy either. Stupid people in he "band" with make up LeRoy so they make money and play with fan feelings. Take advantage of goodwill and swindle celebrities. This Bigfoot never do. Me heart full of love and want all creatures of Earth to live healthy lives in harmony. Me no have material want, but maybe those reporter who say LeRoy like Bigfoot might take two seconds consider how this "LeRoy" character greedy and liar. Sure, me dream how it nice if perfumier create exclusive fragrance just for Bigfoot and Bigfoot no have to pay--but me no ask for it just to abuse me fame!
JT LeRoy, it good thing you no real person, because if me see you I bite your head off and stick it up you ass.
posted by Lefty at 5:55 PM
2 Comments:
Hahahaha...I wish more people read this blog.
Nice...
you should read this @ Zebulon's or somewhere
mp
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