Famous People
Some famous people came by the Dogmatic cart this weekend. I won’t say who they were, but I will say they were real people and not plastic, inhuman people like Jessica Simpson or Puff Diddlydoole. I will also say that the famous people got three turkey dogs and one beef dog. They were good customers.
I tried my best to be nonchalant towards the famous people, and because I was trying so hard I probably came across as a total ass-kissy nincompoop. The famous people didn’t seem to notice; I assume after years of celebrity, they have developed the skill to ignore the conspirational niceness of non-famous folks during everyday interactions.
As long as we’re having famous people visit our cart, I might as well become very dreamy and shallow and make a Dogmatic Famous Person Wish List.
-Any member of Sonic Youth, preferably Kim and Thurston with their daughter Coco in tow.
-Kirsten Dunst.
-Werner Herzog.
-The Olsen twins (either or both), just because it would make a good story to tell people at bars.
-Jonathan Ames, even though he’s not really famous, and even though I doubt he eats sausage. From his writing I’ve gleaned he’s not big on processed meat (even if it’s all-natural and nitrate- and nitrite-free), or any food item that gives one gastronomic pleasure, unless it’s a banana. Mr. Ames, please note that we do sell grilled asparagus spears, and that if you pass by the cart when I am working, I will comp an order for you, which is not something I would do for the Olsen twins.
Once Juliette Binoche came into the chocolate shop where I worked. She bought a pint of ultra-premium strawberry ice cream. I’m sure I acted silly around her, too. I wish it were not so. I am idealistic and simple and would prefer to treat all customers with equal kindness and professionalism. Come by and get a sausage and see if this is the case. Hopefully you are not famous, lest I act like a dingbat, but maybe you won’t even notice.
I tried my best to be nonchalant towards the famous people, and because I was trying so hard I probably came across as a total ass-kissy nincompoop. The famous people didn’t seem to notice; I assume after years of celebrity, they have developed the skill to ignore the conspirational niceness of non-famous folks during everyday interactions.
As long as we’re having famous people visit our cart, I might as well become very dreamy and shallow and make a Dogmatic Famous Person Wish List.
-Any member of Sonic Youth, preferably Kim and Thurston with their daughter Coco in tow.
-Kirsten Dunst.
-Werner Herzog.
-The Olsen twins (either or both), just because it would make a good story to tell people at bars.
-Jonathan Ames, even though he’s not really famous, and even though I doubt he eats sausage. From his writing I’ve gleaned he’s not big on processed meat (even if it’s all-natural and nitrate- and nitrite-free), or any food item that gives one gastronomic pleasure, unless it’s a banana. Mr. Ames, please note that we do sell grilled asparagus spears, and that if you pass by the cart when I am working, I will comp an order for you, which is not something I would do for the Olsen twins.
Once Juliette Binoche came into the chocolate shop where I worked. She bought a pint of ultra-premium strawberry ice cream. I’m sure I acted silly around her, too. I wish it were not so. I am idealistic and simple and would prefer to treat all customers with equal kindness and professionalism. Come by and get a sausage and see if this is the case. Hopefully you are not famous, lest I act like a dingbat, but maybe you won’t even notice.
posted by Lefty at 10:15 AM
2 Comments:
Carlos, the guy at my work, said that he saw Kirstin Dunst at his dry cleaners last week. I don't think he had any sausages to give her, though.
Ames eats sausage. Man sausage. That was too easy. I should have just left it alone.
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