At Least I Tried
This new job is way too cushy. Some days I'm fine with dicking around on the internet, but on other days I can't hack it. Yesterday was such a day.
Inactivity and no sense of purpose are the worst things for me ever. I get very little direction form my manager--I think because he has no idea what I should be doing--and the feedback I receive from the work I ditribute for approval is sporadic at best. Yesterday I was at the end of my rope, feeling excluded from my department and loathed by everyone in the upper management. I already felt like that all through my public school education, and I don't much want to relive it.
I went home in a desperate and vile mood, determined to go on a run and pound my insecurieties and frustrations out on the pavement. I hadn't been out running at night in at least six months, and I'd forgotten how...*dark* it was. Blind spots, shapeless shadows, blinding headlights, and uneven sudewalks lurked at every turn. I got so upset that I decided to throw my Walkman down on the sidewalk and smash it in a million little pieces, but maturity prevailed. I decided it was better for me to walk than run at that moment.
At least I tried. And that's what I need to do here--try harder, bug people more. Maybe I'll inadvertently ruffle a few feathers and piss a few folks off, but at least I'll have tired to be of value. After all, they didn't hire me to do nothing.
Inactivity and no sense of purpose are the worst things for me ever. I get very little direction form my manager--I think because he has no idea what I should be doing--and the feedback I receive from the work I ditribute for approval is sporadic at best. Yesterday I was at the end of my rope, feeling excluded from my department and loathed by everyone in the upper management. I already felt like that all through my public school education, and I don't much want to relive it.
I went home in a desperate and vile mood, determined to go on a run and pound my insecurieties and frustrations out on the pavement. I hadn't been out running at night in at least six months, and I'd forgotten how...*dark* it was. Blind spots, shapeless shadows, blinding headlights, and uneven sudewalks lurked at every turn. I got so upset that I decided to throw my Walkman down on the sidewalk and smash it in a million little pieces, but maturity prevailed. I decided it was better for me to walk than run at that moment.
At least I tried. And that's what I need to do here--try harder, bug people more. Maybe I'll inadvertently ruffle a few feathers and piss a few folks off, but at least I'll have tired to be of value. After all, they didn't hire me to do nothing.
posted by Lefty at 1:30 PM
1 Comments:
I've been doing "nothing" at my job for the past 2 years. However, it does get tiring after a while, and I'd enjoy a job where I will be busy for most of the day. Just don't make me talk on the phone too much, I hate talking on phones. I know you will get some work done soon.
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